I believe
I’ve been struggling for years with my religious faith — I don’t buy a lot of the hogwash that mainstream Christianity emphasizes (virgin birth? Please. I have *some* sense), and the denomination I used to belong to (United Methodist) chased me away with bigotry and political indifference. And yet, I’m not an atheist, and on most days I’m not even agnostic. I believe, I’m just not sure in what. I want to be engaged with a religious community, one where I can engage these issues. I’ve visited Unitarian churches, but I’ve had the opposite problem with them — the limited number of common tenets doesn’t work for me.
Since the 2000 election, I’ve been uncomfortable identifying myself as a Christian. I want to tell people “I’m not one of them! I’m not crazy! I’m rational!” So I’ve mostly avoided religion altogether, in conversation and in practice. But I cannot ignore my own thoughts and feelings, and I feel the lack of religious practice keenly. Also, I increasingly want to fight the progressive fight from inside a religious institution. My own politics are colored quite deeply by my religious beliefs, and expressing one without the other is difficult.
So I’ve been thinking and reading and praying about religion a lot lately. This past Sunday, I visited an Episcopalian church. There are things about it that feel very alien to me, like taking communion every Sunday, and the communal cup of wine, and kneeling to pray, and bowing to the altar and the gospel, but the priest’s sermon was astonishingly progressive, even radical. She was a great speaker, but it was really her message that compelled me. Preaching about the story from Mark 5:21-43 about the unclean, poor woman Jesus healed and the dead girl he resurrected, the priest’s message was that Christ broke down social and economic barriers, and so should we; the Kingdom of Heaven will be realized on earth when no one has too little, and no one has too much.
I’m not sure that I’m cut out to be an Episcopalian, but I can tell you that I will be going back to that church.
July 6th, 2006 at 8:10 pm
I would suggest that you may find it wise to speak with a preacher, if the preacher advocates getting more involved with religion then perhaps you might want to give the preacher a very sound and thourough spanking. Then advise the Preacher to do whatever they can to get all religious groups to disband.
Flint
July 7th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
I really loved this post, because the first 2 paragraphs are the way I feel *exactly*, and I have a terrible time explaining it…my wife (Jen at 12frogs) has been known to ask me “Are you sure you’re Christian, honey?” because it just doesn’t make sense to her that a person would continue to call herself that while questioning some of the things I do (say, the literal fact of the Resurrection…), especially since vast numbers of other people who call themselves that would be horrified.
But I can’t help it–I know what I mean when I say I’m Christian, and it has everything to do with how I believe I should live in the world. Fear has kept me from really trying to find a new church, because I can’t believe how terribly I still miss the old one, even though they made me crazy with their ideas about women and gay people and anybody not-them. I’m holding a good thought for your search–thanks for reminding me that taking a risk can be worth it.
July 10th, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Lisa — thanks for the kind comment. I’m down with your skepticism of the resurrection as well. I’ve read a lot about the early Christian church, which has really helped me to understand how plastic Christianity was and is, and that contemporary mainstream Christian beliefs are just one of many possible Christianities. That’s one of the main factors that has made me comfortable seeking out another church home.
July 15th, 2006 at 3:48 pm
Have you tried the United Church of Christ?
Christian and progressive. I’ve never been but it sounds like one of the good ones.
I have met other Christians in similar predicaments. Most just don’t go to Church. Maybe you could start a church called Unorganized church of not one of those Christians.
July 17th, 2006 at 8:25 am
Ha! I love it! Unorganized Church of Not One of Those Christians!
Now I’m off to find out how to start a church….
July 21st, 2006 at 3:59 pm
I feel the same way, actually - I was glad to find this thread… I grew up in a very religious household (my dad was a preacher) and I found it so alien to my inquisitive nature and desire to question things. I believe in God, too, but as an intelligent, artistic person find it difficult to discuss without sounding silly, so I rarely do. Oddly, I’ve found myself in an Episcopal church, too, and for similar reasons - I really enjoyed the messages I’ve heard and that they’re pretty progressive. I’ve yet to really involve myself in the “community” though - I still find that idea intimidating…
July 21st, 2006 at 4:33 pm
The church I’ve been going to is very small — it’s impossible to not be involved in the community. However, it’s still intimidating. I am going to join one of the choirs in mid-August (they are on hiatus now) so that I’ll have a “home” in the church. I think that might help me feel more comfortable.
August 7th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
Christianity is not a religion… or at least it isn’t supposed to be one. It’s a relationship. “Believing in something” - even believing in the existance of God - isn’t enough. James 2:19: “even the demons believe and tremble.”
The idea that Jesus broke down the social, economic, and the gender barriers of the day is absolutely correct: Galatians 3:28: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Unfortunately, “religion” gets in the way, and the relationship it is supposed to be gets lost.
It is interesting that you seem to believe in the healing and miraculous power of Jesus, yet you want to limit God’s powers: “virgin birth? Please. I have *some* sense”.
My God doesn’t fit within my own “sense” and understanding - He is a lot bigger than I can comprehend.
God is real, but He isn’t what you believe: rather He is what He said He is. Does belief matter when you come to an intersection? Is the light red or green? Well, what do you believe it is? What you believe doesn’t matter - rather what it REALLY is matters.
If you want to follow the URL, we have a show and a blog post about the Bible as well as about the kind of stuff you are asking. Our show on Saturday was about “the church” - what it really is, and what most people think it means.
God Bless,
- Matt
August 9th, 2006 at 5:55 am
This is exactly the point I was trying to make. For me, the central message of Christianity is love one another, take care of each other…and whether or not I believe in virgin birth or resurrection is completely irrelevant to my being able to put that teaching into practice.
I’m a poet. Naming something metaphor in no way lessens its power or its truth. And Matthew 3:34–”and without a parable he spake not unto them” in the KJV–suggests that I might’ve learned this in church.